3 Tips For Compromising With Your Partner

Disclaimer: The information contained in this blog/video should NOT be used as a substitute for the advice of an appropriately qualified and licensed therapist.  

I am a licensed therapist, but I am not necessarily YOUR therapist unless you’ve signed a formal agreement with me to participate in therapeutic services.  The information presented in this video is for informational purposes only and should not be considered professional advice.   

Relationships are complicated, and this advice might not be a good fit for your needs or your relationship. Before making any decisions for yourself or your relationship, it’s always best to have a candid conversation with your therapist or other appropriate professional about your specific circumstances. 

Finding a satisfying compromise to any problem is hard.  But, it’s even harder when feelings are involved.  If you’re struggling to compromise with your partner, there’s a pretty good chance that emotions are high, and when emotions are high, it’s easy to get stuck. 

If you find yourself having the same argument over and over again with your partner, you’re not alone. Getting stuck in a difficult problem is pretty common, but staying stuck is frustrating, and it can hurt your relationship.  If you keep having the same argument over and over again, you might be experiencing gridlock.  Gridlock happens when we can’t seem to find a solution to a problem, and it doesn’t seem like either partner is willing to compromise. 

While gridlocked conflict is difficult to manage, it’s not impossible to escape.  If you’re finding yourself gridlocked with your partner over how to compromise on a difficult problem, these three simple tips can help.

Tip #1: Seek Clarity

The first step for getting out of gridlocked conflict and coming to a compromise is to seek clarity. Take some time to reflect on your own thoughts, feelings, and needs before bringing them to your partner.  Make sure you know what’s really important to you, and why.  Spend some time reflecting on the things that you can compromise about and areas where you might have some flexibility. 

As you reflect on your own thoughts, feelings, and needs, pay attention to the details – who, what, where, when, why, and how – and write them down. Make sure to bring this list to your partner, and stay open to discussion.  Before discussing the issue, ask your partner to spend some time in self-reflection about their needs as well. 

Tip #2: Find Common Ground

The next step for successful compromise is to find common ground. Once you and your partner have taken some time to reflect, share your list of wants and needs with each other.  Try not to get defensive or argue for your “side.”  Focus on listening to understand your partner, not listening to convince them you’re right. 

Spend some time talking about why the things on your list are so important to you and what feelings come up when you think about them. Reflect on what your partner has shared with you, and find areas where you agree.  If it’s hard to find areas of agreement, take some time to reflect on the big picture and focus on your shared goals, beliefs, and dreams.   You might find that you and your partner agree on more than you think.

Tip #3: Accept Influence

The final step for coming to a successful compromise is to keep an open mind and accept influence. After you have found common ground, compare your lists of needs. Take some time to self-reflect, and consider any areas where you might be more flexible or more accommodating than you originally believed.  

If there are still areas of disagreement, ask questions and get a deeper understanding of why these needs are so important to your partner.  Before arguing your side, make sure you understand what your partner really wants, and how they feel about it. You might be surprised about how much having a deep understanding of your partner affects you. 

Where it makes sense, accept your partner’s influence.  If something is really important to your partner, and doesn’t harm you, consider compromising on the issue. While you might not be able to give your partner everything they want, you can do your best to give them what they need.  And, if you’re willing to keep an open mind, your partner might be willing to keep an open mind, too.  

If you and your partner are stuck in a gridlocked problem, reach out today.  I help couples struggling with conflict find their calm.

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If you and your partner struggle with conflict, couples counseling can help. If you’re ready to take the next step to heal your marriage and repair your relationship, reach out now. Schedule your free 20-minute consultation online or by emailing me at help@therapyevergreen.com. I'm here for you.