How to Stay Calm During a Heated Argument with Your Spouse
5 Essential Tips for Keeping Your Cool When You and Your Partner Have A Disagreement
Love is a beautiful thing– until you’re in the middle of a screaming match with your spouse. Suddenly, all of your worst qualities seem to come out and your temper takes center stage.
The good news is that you don’t have to let those moments of anger and frustration define your relationship. By learning how to stay calm during arguments, you can keep those negative moments from taking over and damaging your relationship. Here are some tips to help you do just that.
Take a Break
When things start to get too heated, take a break. Sometimes just stepping away from the argument and taking a few deep breaths can help calm you down. You don’t have to solve everything in one sitting. If you need to, agree to take a break and come back to the conversation when both of you have had time to cool down.
Listen
We often get so caught up in our own point of view that we forget to listen to what our partner is saying. Take the time to listen to your spouse and try to understand their perspective. Even if you don’t agree or you think they’re wrong, showing them that you’re listening can help de-escalate the situation.
Choose Your Words Carefully
Words matter. When emotions are running high, it’s easy to say things you don’t mean or that you’ll regret later. Try to choose your words carefully and focus on using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, instead of saying “You always do this,” say “I feel upset when this happens.” This can help your spouse understand how their behavior is affecting you without feeling attacked.
Acknowledge Your Emotions
It’s okay to feel angry or upset when you’re arguing with your spouse. Don’t try to suppress your emotions or pretend like everything is okay. Instead, acknowledge how you’re feeling and share it with your partner. This can help them understand where you’re coming from and can make it easier for you to calm down.
Try Couples Therapy
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you and your spouse may struggle to stay calm during arguments. If that’s the case, don’t be afraid to try couples therapy. A couples therapist can help you develop healthy communication habits and navigate difficult conversations in a productive way.
Arguing with your spouse doesn't have to be a negative experience that fills you with dread. By learning how to stay calm, listen, choose your words carefully, acknowledge your emotions, and seek outside support if needed, you can take control of your arguments and prevent them from damaging your relationship.
Remember, you and your spouse are on the same team. Your goal should be to come to a resolution together, not to “win” the argument. With these tips in mind, you can work towards better communication and a stronger relationship.
