Couples Therapy Didn't Work . . . Now What?
5 Steps To Fix Your Marriage When Couples Therapy Fails
For many couples, the decision to participate in couples therapy is a difficult one. After all, starting therapy is a little scary, and talking to your partner about the things that aren’t working in your relationship is hard. Couples therapy requires courage and commitment - from both partners - to share intimate details of their relationship with each other AND their therapist.
Unfortunately, despite your best efforts, sometimes couples therapy doesn’t work.
Some couples find that even after months (or years) of counseling sessions they still don't have the closeness or understanding that they were hoping for.
But this doesn't mean that all hope is lost - it just means that there are other strategies you should consider when figuring out how to fix the problems in your relationship.
In this blog post, we'll be exploring five steps you can take if your current approach to relationship counseling isn’t working - read on for more information!
#Step1: Assess The Situation
If couples therapy isn’t working, it’s time to assess the situation and figure out what went wrong.
Sometimes, couples therapy doesn't work out the way we plan it. At this point, it's important to take a step back and assess the situation. What were the initial goals that you hoped to achieve through therapy? Maybe communication was a struggle, or maybe trust was broken. Whatever the case may be, it's important to identify where the therapy fell short in achieving these goals. By tackling the problem head-on, you may find solutions or alternatives that help your relationship in the long run.
Regardless of the outcome of couples therapy, it's important to remember that it's not the end-all-be-all solution to every problem in a relationship. There are other resources available that can help you and your partner continue to grow and thrive, like self-help books, couples retreats and seminars, and even relationship coaching.
Step 2: Commit To Communication
Communication is the key to success in any marriage. Being able to effectively communicate with your partner can help solve problems quickly and prevent disagreements from spiraling out of control.
However, sometimes efforts to communicate become blocked or ignored, leaving both partners feeling frustrated and unheard. Identifying these areas of weakness and taking steps to improve communication can make all the difference in strengthening your relationship.
By being open and honest with each other, actively listening, and making an effort to understand each other's perspective, you can reestablish a strong and healthy communication channel with your partner. If traditional couples therapy hasn’t improved the communication in your relationship, consider working with a communications coach or a therapist who specializes in communication skills.
Step3: Evaluate Your Expectations
Marriage is a beautiful bond between two people who choose to spend their lives together. However, maintaining this relationship takes effort and understanding.
One crucial aspect of understanding is making sure that both partners are aligned in terms of their expectations - for their partner and their marriage. It’s helpful to discuss and evaluate your expectations periodically to avoid any misunderstandings or conflicts.
Without clear communication about expectations, you may find yourself feeling disappointed and frustrated. By discussing your expectations, you can ensure that you are both on the same page and work together towards building a stronger relationship.
Try journaling about your expectations before discussing them with your partner. This will help you gain clarity and confidence before opening the conversation.
Step 4: Share Your Concerns With Your Couples Therapist
Couples therapy can be an extremely effective tool to move forward in a relationship, but it requires open and honest communication between partners AND your therapist.
While it can be difficult to share your concerns with your therapist, it’s important for the growth and success of your relationship.
Your couples therapist is a neutral third party who can provide insight and advice on how to navigate difficult emotions and situations. By discussing your feelings in a safe and non-judgmental environment, you can effectively work through issues and develop healthy communication skills that will benefit your relationship now and in the future.
So don't be afraid to share your concerns with your couples therapist – they are there to help you cultivate a happy and healthy partnership.
Step 5: Seek Individual Support
Marriage can be challenging, but sometimes a change in your own attitude or behavior can be enough to help a struggling relationship. All of us have baggage, and it’s helpful to examine your own personal baggage (and the role YOU play in the challenges in your relationship) before judging your partner.
Seeking individual support can make a significant difference in improving your marriage.
It's easy to overlook our own contribution to the issues and focus solely on our partner's faults. However, seeking support will help you identify your own negative traits, gain a better understanding of yourself, and begin to work towards change. It's important to realize that a positive attitude and constructive behavior can go a long way toward repairing a struggling relationship.
Investing in individual support - from a new therapist or other trusted professional - is often the first step in saving a struggling relationship.
Couples therapy is an important tool for relationship satisfaction, but it doesn’t always work the way you expect it to.
When couples therapy doesn’t succeed, it can be both confusing and hurtful. Fortunately, there are ways to move forward and address the underlying issues that led to the failure of couples therapy.
Not every approach will work for everyone, so when traditional couples therapy fails, make sure that you get the help and advice you need in order to determine the best path forward for your unique situation. If couples counseling has reached a dead-end for you and your partner, don't hesitate – schedule a consultation today about discernment counseling or other forms of couples therapy!
