How To Stop The Constant Cycle Of Fighting In Your Marriage
Learn how to stop fighting and start communicating.
Are you feeling stuck in a never-ending cycle of fighting with your spouse? Is it getting harder and harder to have even simple conversations without escalating into bickering or full-blown arguments? Well, you're not alone.
Dealing with constant conflict is exhausting. And, if left unchecked, this never-ending cycle of fighting can create a huge rift between you and your partner.
Luckily, there's hope. The constant cycle of fighting in your marriage doesn't have to ruin your relationship. Keep reading to learn more.
All couples know how to fight, but very few couples know how to communicate.
Let's be real - some arguments in marriage are unavoidable. After all, you and your spouse can't agree on everything.
But what's truly important is how you handle conflict when it happens. It's easy to get stuck in an endless cycle of fighting without ever really solving any problems or fixing any real issues. That's called gridlock, and (just like it sounds) gridlock is miserable for everyone involved.
The good news is that you don't have to feel stuck forever. As a couples therapist, I help couples escape the constant cycle of fighting in their relationship and finally start having productive conversations again.
Here are my top five tips for breaking the never-ending cycle of fighting in your relationship and improving the communication you have with your spouse.
Five tips for couples who want to stop fighting and start communicating.
Tip #1: Reset Your Communication Mindset
Stop looking at every argument as a win-lose situation, and start seeing conflict with your partner as a way to connect. Remember, your partner isn't the enemy- even when you're fighting with each other.
In fact, arguments and disagreements are an opportunity to deepen your connection and to learn more about what makes your partner happy.
Shift your communication mindset away from seeing disagreements as win-lose situations, and focus on how you can connect with your partner instead. Your relationship (and your partner) will thank you!
Tip #2: Listen First, Talk Second
We all know how important listening is when it comes to communicating with your spouse. But how often do you stop to listen when you're fighting?
Next time you have a disagreement with your partner, try listening to their perspective before sharing your opinion. When you take a deep breath and truly listen to your partner's perspective, you're letting them know that you respect and value their thoughts and feelings. This can go a long way in strengthening the connection (and communication) in your marriage.
So next time you feel the urge to jump in and share your own point of view, take a moment to pause, listen, and really understand where your partner is coming from. It just might make all the difference.
Tip 3: Talk About Your Feelings
It's important to share how you're feeling with your partner. After all, feelings are why we fight. (When you're fighting about something stupid with your spouse, you're not fighting because that little thing matters. You're fighting because of how that little thing - and your spouse - made you feel.)
Don't get bogged down in an endless fight about who's right and who's wrong in the situation.
Instead of getting lost in details, talk about how the situation makes you feel - and ask your partner how the situation makes them feel, too. You might be surprised at the positive impact it can have on your relationship and your ability to have a productive conversation.
Tip 4: Talk About What You Want (Not What You Don’t Want)
When it comes to relationships, it's easy to fall into the trap of criticizing your partner, pointing out what they're doing wrong, or telling them what you don't like about them. But this approach only leads to resentment and defensiveness.
When you talk about what's wrong with your relationship (or your partner), they can't hear you. Instead of listening, your partner will probably end up making excuses, defending their position, or simply shutting down.
Next time you find yourself in an argument with your partner, try talking about what you want. For example, if you want your partner to spend more time with you, instead of saying, "You're always working and never have time for me," try saying, "I would really love it if we could spend more quality time together." By framing your desires in a positive light, you're more likely to get what you want and maintain a healthy, happy relationship.
Tip 5: Find Common Ground
Keeping an open mind is the key to maintaining any relationship, and finding common ground with your partner - even when you disagree - is the key to good communication. But finding common ground with your partner can be a difficult task, especially when you feel like what they're saying is completely off base.
However, taking a moment to validate their perspective – even if you don't agree with it – can go a long way in building mutual respect and trust.
Everyone wants to be heard, and by acknowledging your partner's perspective, you're showing that you value and respect them as a person. Remember, it's not about agreeing on everything; it's about being willing to find common ground that you can both stand on.
Couples therapy can help couples break the endless cycle of fighting and improve communication.
Relationships are hard, especially when you're struggling to communicate with your partner. If you're caught in a never-ending cycle of fighting in your relationship that you just can't seem to escape, reach out.
Couples therapy can be a game-changer for couples who are struggling with communication issues or trying to navigate conflict. With the help of an experienced couples therapist, you can improve your communication strategies, learn how to compromise and solve problems (instead of just fighting about them), and ultimately strengthen your relationship.
You don’t have to figure it out on your own anymore - reach out today. And don’t forget to download our FREE "Fair Fighting Checklist" to learn more about how to stop fighting and start communicating.
