What Is Gottman Method Couples Therapy?
Want to know more about the Gottman Method?
Finding the right therapist is hard. And, if you’re struggling in your marriage, you just want help - fast. But there’s so much to figure out before you get started - including what type of therapy is right for you.
In this blog, I want to help you find the right type of therapy (and the right therapist) for your marriage. Let’s start by talking about Gottman Method Couples Therapy.
Hi! I’m Valery, and I’m a couples therapist and marriage counselor in Evergreen, Colorado. I help couples stop fighting and start communicating.
Finding the Right Therapist is Hard
If you’re reading this, you’re probably weighing the pros and cons of couples therapy. And, if you've started to research your options, you might have noticed that there are dozens (if not hundreds) of couples counselors in your community.
How are you supposed to know which therapist is right for you? And, how are you supposed to know what type of therapy actually works?
Here’s the problem - every therapist is different. And every therapist has a different approach to working with couples. You won’t really know whether your therapist is a good fit until you get started.
But, therapy (especially couples therapy) is a huge commitment. And, if you’re like most of the couples I know, you want to feel confident that you’re taking the right steps in couples therapy to heal your marriage.
One way to increase the likelihood that the therapist you choose will be a good fit is to make sure that you understand their method and their approach to couples therapy - before you go to your first appointment.
Regardless of what type of therapist or what type of therapy you decide is right for your relationship, I want you to feel more confident in that choice.
Disclaimer: While I'm a licensed therapist, I'm not your therapist. This blog is for educational purposes only. If you're struggling in your marriage, please reach out to a highly qualified licensed therapist for individual guidance and support.
What is Gottman Method Couples Therapy?
The Gottman Method, or Gottman Method Relationship Therapy, is one of the most popular - and most well-researched, approaches to couples counseling. Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman in the 1980s, the Gottman Method is built on decades of clinical research into what makes happy couples work.
Gottman Method Therapy is built on the theory that happy couples are effective couples. That means that these couples understand how to navigate conflicts in their relationship with kindness, consideration, and shared connection and support. No more fighting dirty!
Gottman Method Relationship Therapy helps couples who struggle with:
Diffultuly communicating or poor communication;
Frequent fighting, conflict, and arguments;
Emotional distance or couples who have grown apart;
And specific problems or conflicts, like money, chores, or parenting.
How Does Gottman Method Couples Therapy Work?
Gottman Method Couples Therapy works by helping couples boost their couples skills. This type of couples counseling is designed to help couples strengthen their relationship in three core areas: friendship, conflict management, and shared meaning.
Through Gottman Method Couples Therapy, couples should repair and deepen their bonds of friendship, learn skills and tools to navigate conflict and communicate in a more effective way, and feel more confident building a shared life and future together.
Sometimes this means learning ways to communicate, compromise, and connect. But it can also mean working through difficult challenges from the past, finding forgiveness, and building a stronger partnership.
What Should I Expect When I Choose the Gottman Method?
When you work with a therapist who uses the Gottman Method, you can expect to start therapy with a thorough assessment of the strengths and challenges in your relationship. Most often this means meeting both as a couple and individually with the therapist to deepen their understanding of the problems and concerns that brought you to couples counseling. Your therapist will also ask you to complete a lengthy questionnaire about your marriage (and yourself) to better understand what works (and what doesn’t) in your relationship.
After the assessment is completed, your therapist will provide you with the results. This is often called a feedback meeting. Your therapist will explain what the results of your assessment mean and check to make sure that these results accurately reflect your relationship.
If you and your therapist agree, then your therapist will work with you to create a plan to address the challenges in your relationship and discuss how to utilize and build on your strengths as a couple. In general, this plan will include Gottman method interventions designed to increase closeness and intimacy, deepen emotional connection, and improve patterns of communication.
Each session will focus on boosting your couples skills, helping you and your partner communicate and connect.
Looking for a Couples Counselor? Try This!
If Gottman Method Couples Therapy sounds like a good fit for you, try finding a therapist who has additional training in the Gottman Method and who uses this as one of their primary approaches in couples therapy.
One of the easiest ways to find a therapist who specializes in the Gottman Method is to search a therapy directory like Psychology Today or Therapy Den. Both directories allow you to refine your search to include the specific type of therapy that you’re interested in. You might also consider searching the Gottman Institute’s internal directory, called the “Gottman Referral Network.”
Finding the right therapist - and the right type of therapy - for you is hard. But, don’t get discouraged. If you’re not confident that your future therapist (or their approach) is the right fit for you, ask for a free consultation. This is a great opportunity to introduce yourself to your therapist and see if they might be a good fit for you.
